Confused

I dont understand drama.  I have no need for it, or no use. for it.  I dont have drama in my family and most certainly not with my true friends.  I dont understand some peoples need for drama and secrets.  Things with family are supposed to be shared, not kept in little secrets that only certain people get to know about.  In my family, family is family, whether your there by blood or by association. It doesnt make a difference.  So Im sorry if I dont understand this, or get it right all the time.  Im not used to all this shit.  I am sorry for trying and I can guarantee that I wont be trying anymore.  Ok, that's a lie, I will still try because I love my kids and family actually means something to me, but it will be at a bare minimum. 

This is such bullshit and I am tired of it already. Why do people have to be such assholes. Why do people have to be so fake.  If you dont like me dont effn act like you do. It's that simple.  I guess I am slowly being phased out even more now.  Im glad everyone is all sunshine and rainbows now and I will just move on and forget that any one else exists except for the people who I know truely love me.

A Poem

I've been thinking about what to write and I just can't seem to think of the right words.  I only got to know you for 14 years, but I'm so glad you came in to my life.  We sure had some rocky times, but we also had some great times.  We had two beautiful kids together and they love you so much.  Your daughter sent me a text the other night and told me she's broken.  I can't imagine the pain she is going through.  I can only hope that you will be there for her and comfort her as she is dealing with this pain.  Her signature on her phone is Daddys girl.  She misses you so much.  I never imagined you would leave this life so quickly, it's always been my worst fear.  I used to voice this to you and you would laugh.  I'm glad we didn't end up as one of those ex couples that hated each other.  I'm glad that I could talk to you as a friend and vice versa. I'm glad that it was never uncomfortable between us and that no matter how much we argued (or I yelled) after a few days everything was okay again.  I can't stop looking at your pics and reading the news.  I just can't believe you are gone.  It's just not supposed to happen this way.  I could probably go on forever, but I'm going to end with a poem that I found.

You never gave up


And always stood tall


You were a great example 


Set for us all


An up beat attitude


With a constant smile


We were all are blessed to know you


If only for a little while



You will be truly missed


But we know you're in a better place


Out of the pain


And into gods grace


You were the bravest person 
I ever knew


If I ever needed help 
I could always look to you

You lit up our lives 


With your kindness and grace


And we will never forget 


Your beautiful face....

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.

Shrinkvivor

So I signed up for this Shrinkvivor and I think it will be okay.  I'm excited to see where it goes and what changes will happen over the next few weeks.  

missing movies........

This is more just for me.......I have a list of movies that are missing aka borrowed and never returned (i'm sure a few are actually lost), but since I am a disorganized mess, it seems the only thing that I don't lose, is my computer.  So I am going to keep track of them here.

In fact, I know I have seen a few of these floating around my house recently....grrrr.  I will find them!

Saving Private Ryan

Titantic

Joy Ride

Whole Nine Yards

Insomnia

Black Hawk Down

Beyond Borders

Critters

Wedding Crashers

Dawn of the Dead

Final Destination

Mr & Mrs Smith

Harold & Kumar

Troy

40yr old virgin

Fast & Furious

Elf

2 Fast 2 Furious

Legally Blonde 2

Charlies Angels

Mr Brooks

Next

Secondhand Lions

1408

Premonition

The Ultimate Gift

Messengers

Shooter

Zodiac

Xmen

Wonderland

Descent

Mission Impossible III

Notebook

Superstar

Hostel 2

Ironman

Robots

Neverending Story 2

Spongebob Movie

Babys Day Out

Mean Girls

Cars

Hoot

Hulk

Little Man

Open Season

Shaggy Dog

Mr Magorium Wonder Emporium 

Dreams

I had the weirdest dream last night.  In fact, I have been having a lot of weird dreams.  

So I was on the way to Iran with my mother and all of our small children (4).  My two have never flew, so I was excited for them.  The pilot seemed to have issues with flying; taking off straight up, coming down straight down. But it was a fairly easy flight. Then came time for the landing.  I was pretty excited because landing is one of my favorite parts.  Well, we headed straight down and I just knew we weren't going to make it, but there was never any fear what so ever.  The pilot then tried to land the plane on a sort of helicopter pad looking thing.  It sort of looked like a dock, with water all around.  So we land and the plane is sliding everywhere (ya know cause planes need a runway!).  I'm in the back of the plane and then the plane quietly slips in the water and down we go.  It's already filled with water and its black, I can't see or hear, but I still am not scared at all.  I figured that someone would come/we'd be pulled out/the plane would magically fly up again. I decided to just go to sleep, that way if I did die, I wasn't awake anyway.  About two hours pass and I wake up and everyone is gone, so I swim up and end up at a house.  And my whole family is there and everyone is excited to see me.  I couldn't believe they all left me there underwater in the ocean while they swam free.  I remember being very upset with my mother because she got every one out but me. And then I woke up.  It was a really weird dream, but I'm glad it was just that.

Now, I'm off to try to make it to the tire place to get tires!